Sakura's Demeanor
by Kag-Inu4E
Summary: A song fic! Sakura's demanor of after Sasuke left. Alcoholism, kinda, and M just to be safe... Kind of OneSided!SakuraSasuke. Please, R


_**Sakura's Demeanor**_

**Disclaimer:****I do not own ****Naruto****! I also do not own ****Gone Forever**** by**** Three Days Grace****! The lyrics can by Googling it! Also, I do not own ****The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe  
**

* * *

_Don't know what's going on  
Don't know what went wrong  
Feels like a hundred years I  
Still can't believe you're gone  
So I'll stay up all night  
With these bloodshot eyes  
While these walls surround me with the story of our life_

* * *

He was gone. Even after two years, I can't believe he betrayed Konoha for power. 

Every night I awake. Tears drawn from my eyes as I recall the dream. Or maybe you could call it a remembrance, since my dreams mainly contain that night.

That fateful night… The night he left. I still wonder what he meant by,_'Thank you'_ Every night, as I awaken, sweat dripping from my bodice, and I look around my room, to the picture right on the nightstand beside my bed.

Team seven. The three of us; plus Kakashi – Sensei, too. I looked so happy, just being beside him I guess. I feel so melancholy now, emotionless like he was. Wait, _is_. He doesn't care… I remember, when he first left, I couldn't comprehend why he would leave Naruto and I. Now I know… He didn't care.

* * *

_I feel so much better_

_Now that you're gone forever_

_I tell myself that I don't miss you at all_

_I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now_

_That you're gone forever_

* * *

I keep trying to tell myself that I don't miss him. It's hard, since I do. When people ask, "Don't you _want_ him to return?" I laugh, a smile not exactly reaching my eyes. They will never be able to know I was lying, because no one knows the real me. 

Not even Tsunade – Shishou. Naruto, he knew me once, but now I'm so distant, never really like how I once was, doesn't even know the real me. I guess maybe it's because there is no real me, just an empty void of what one used to be… I say I feel so much at ease, knowing that you're gone, with the snake, and fulfilling you're dream… No one, except maybe Naruto, thinks otherwise.

I even sometimes catch Naruto watching me with saddened eyes as I sit there, not even really touching my Raman. I know it hurts. It hurts him that I'm not _"Myself"_ as many say. But I am myself, or as much myself as I can be.

I see, especially when girls walk by, and say his name, Naruto tense up, eyes glaze over in an almost complete cloud cover. After almost killing each other, I think Naruto truly hates Sasuke. Maybe it's what he's become, or maybe not.

* * *

_Now things are coming clear  
And I don't need you here  
And in this world around me  
I'm glad you disappeared_

* * *

Tonight, I'll mourn no more. I've come to terms. You'll never return. Be you are killed by your brother, or _Orochimaru_takes over body. You'll never return, Sasuke. 

I've come to terms that you never really loved me. Never really even cared for me, did you? You killed yourself. And even if you _do_ survive and kill Itachi and Orochimaru, what will you do with your life? Will you revive your clan, or will you live in _solitude_ and be the very last of the Uchiha clan? The once great clan falls with you, if you think about it, Sasuke.

I tried to stop you… Yet you wouldn't even stop to think about it. Your mind was already made up, wasn't it?

Maybe it was better you disappeared; betrayed the village for power… In turn you've brought Naruto and I the want to become stronger… I wonder if you'd be delighted or disappointed in that info; probably disappointed, sadly…

* * *

_So I'll stay out all night  
Get drunk and fuck and fight  
Until the morning comes I'll  
Forget about our life_

* * *

I walk, walking into a liquor store to buy Tsunade – Shishou some Sake… I wonder if she cares that alcohol can destroy your liver, though probably not. 

As I show up to the counter, the check out person just looked and grabbed an extra bottle for me. Yes, I drink. People don't know, and never will know. I really am Tsunade Junior, huh…

I pay, and walk to the Hokage Tower, already breaking the seal on the extra bottle of Sake. I took a swig, already feeling some of the numbness.

I'm near her door, hearing the snores coming from within the door. I think, 'And to think, I probably sound like that…' Taking out the key that opened the door – I copied it from Tsunade- quietly. I stealthily took one step, and hid the extra bottle by the door. I then placed the unopened one on Tsunade – Shishou's desk.

The next morning I awaken, barely remembering last night.

* * *

_I feel so much better  
Now that you're gone forever  
I tell myself that I don't miss you at all  
I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now  
That you're gone forever_

* * *

Last night was a full moon. That's about all I remember from last night… You left on a full moon, remember? 

Walking down the street, looking at all the vendors, I smile bitter - sweetly, at all the happy people crowding around different places.

Opening the door, I walk into Ino's parent's flower shop. Walking on, Ino surprised me. Later on, you could find the two of us sitting, Ino talking and me listening. She then asked the question I always dreaded answering. She asked, "Don't you miss him? I mean I've gotten over him, but have you?" Looking down, eyes glazed, before my mask went back up. I smiled and answered, "I don't miss him… I may not be completely over him, but with time I will be."

* * *

_First time you screamed at me  
I should have made you leave  
I should have known it could be so much better_

* * *

"**You're annoying." I looked shocked, eyes widened as he said that. My hair billowing in the breeze, but I barely noticed.**

You're annoying. That's what he always said about me. I think I took it to heart that last time he said it, before leaving. I know now I should've just let you go, not letting you treat me the way you did. So why didn't I? Right, because I'm in love with him. I swear, Kami has a funny sense of humor…

Gasping for breath, I angrily threw another punch at the ground. I know, you have to have great concentration, but right now I'm not in the mood!

* * *

_I hope you're missing me  
I hope I've made you see  
That I'm gone forever_

_And now it's coming clear  
That I don't need you here  
And in this world around me  
I'm glad you disappeared_

* * *

Like in The Raven, **Quote the Raven, "Nevermore,"**I nevermore will be a Sasuke fangirl. My ghosts are spreading from me, nevermore to remind me of the heartache Sasuke caused me. 

I swear to Kami I hope you're missing me. Maybe you leaving really was beneficial to the village! I mean look at Choji, and Kiba… They're out there training every day, getting stronger every time! I should know; I'm the one they usually come to when they need healed. Nothing drastic, just some cuts here and there.

Looking around, I look at kids that once were academy students, now genin, walking by me telling me of their mission. I laugh, reminiscing in memories of similar missions. I look, eyes catching dark hair.

I searched, eyes widening, but then shadowed when I realized that the guy with dark hair was just Sai. He was walking toward me, flirting and failing miserably when Naruto came to my rescue. I laugh at their brawl. They kind of remind me that there is still reason enough to live… Maybe it wasn't for any logic reason, but it's reason enough for me.

* * *

_I feel so much better  
Now that you're gone forever  
I tell myself that I don't miss you at all  
I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now  
That you're gone forever  
And now you're gone forever  
And now you're gone forever_

* * *

I laugh, walking up to them to stop the brawl. I give a whole - hearted laugh as Naruto grabs me protectively, almost like an older brother. I look up to Naruto's eyes, and see he too was smiling inside. This time, I wasn't going to fake my smiles, I was going to enjoy my time, and if Sasuke decides to come back, then so be it. 

I'll tell him the truth; I'll always love Sasuke. I am just letting him go. He may be gone forever, but maybe someday he'll come back, be it in my dreams or in real life.


End file.
